rusty road

xxx Lolamirjam

day in London

xxx Lolamirjam

underwater

xxx LolaMirjam

fucking idiot

I saw this "street art" today while walking home.

I have been sick for awhile, I lost my voice and got a little flu.

My mood is low in every way. For the first time I really feel lonely. 

Like I have said before, I don't have that many friends here, and mostly those "friends" are more like people I say hi to. I don't feel like they understand me or I understand them. We are just so different so many ways. Or I just have different opinion what is a friend. To me friend is someone who hugs you when you feel down, asks you how are you, accept you the way you are, laugh with you, is nice to you and someone who is real to you and don't pretend.

Right now I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about my feelings etc.

I know that I have known these people only for 9 months but I just don't feel connected with them. Maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe it is my age.

I just feel miserable.

One week more and this year is over, will see what happens after that. 

xxx LolaMirjam

Just because it is pretty

My weekend started today,

 I mean I have a lot to do, mostly university things like research book, I have to come up with the idea of my zine theme (I still have no idea what is going to be the theme, anyone, ideas?),I have to look for inspiration and stay inspired.

 Staying inspired all the time has been the most difficult and challenging thing. I should get inspiration from everywhere, analyze everything like what is the story behind the editorials, why the lighting is like it is, why that man is wearing a black shirt, why her eyes are closed etc. To ask question after question, everything have to have meaning and a reason.

 You can't style editorials and say that you used the red skirt just because it is pretty, no. 

But that is why I'm studying here, to learn things. And I have to say, I have so much to learn!

xxx LolaMirjam

can you read my mind?

This week has been so tiring.

I am thinking and thinking, I am thinking everything.

My family, uni, work, friends, my life, my goals, past and future.

And when your mind is full on thoughts it is hard to concentrate on anything.

I think it might be the darkness, this time of the year or month,hah.

But you know what I try to stay positive, from tomorrow, hah.

Tonight I am just going to listen Adele (I just bought her new album) and drink tee(so British). I guess I'm getting old or boring.

Is comical to listen heartbreaking songs when you have been single for your entire life, where is he? I guess he is hiding from me...

Like I said there is lot of going on in my mind.

I am surprised that I even have time to think.

Tomorrow is new, better day.

What is on your mind?

xxx LolaMirjam

behind the scenes...

We were test shooting the Serge Gainsbourg-hat project...

I don´t like to be in front of the camera but sometimes you have to sacrifice for your uni project.

xxx LolaMirjam

Girl in England

Hey you, 

Greetings from England. I moved here 2 months ago (actually 9.11.2015 was our two month anniversary). 

I moved here because I got in to the university, University for the Creative arts in Rochester. I have dreamed about this for 2 years and finally my portfolio was good enough. 

I live with amazing family, they are like my second family, my English family. 

I love, I mean LOVE my uni, I have never been this inspired and creative as I am now. The university is not easy, I have days when I can´t sleep, think or eat. You have to be creative almost all the time, that is not easy, especailly when we have 10 projects at the same time. Research books, essays, photoshoots, editing and many more things to do.

I am the oldest in my class, but luckily everyone thinks that I am younger. 

I have got a few good friends. I don´t know, I feel like it is really difficult to get to know new people. Maybe it is because of the language. My English is okay but I am struggling a lot, sometimes is hard to understand different accents and some people just talk too fast. But I am learning something new everyday. 

I got a job after one month, as a sales advisor. Hardest part was learning the coins, I know euros but pounds... I still miss my old workmates, being new employee is never easy.

Everything is still exciting and new.

A lot has happened in a short period of time.

Here I am going to write and show images about my projects at uni, my everyday life.

And I am so sorry about my English, I am still learning and that is why I decided to write in English.

Talk to you soon, xxx LolaMirjam