one of a kind

"I have pimples, I have blackheads, my face is not symmetrical, I have scars, I have moles, things that I don't like and I am insecure about. My face is round shape like a lollipop, my cheeks are like big red apples and my nose is like a potato (I was called potato nose when I was little). My eyes are like brown almonds, small but round.  And my teeth, my horse teeth like one girl said once.
I have dark features, more like south european. Almost daily I have to convince that I am Finnish and my both parents are 100% born in Finland, people even ask am I sure, like I don't know where I am from.

At first it was really difficult to look different, not like my friends. Some girls bullied me at school, having braces and glasses didn’t help at all. I standed out in the crowd, and when you are a kid you want to look like everyone else. It wasn’t cool to look different. I had issues about the way my face looked, the way I looked.

It is sad how mean people can be,when you are a kid  and even when you are an adult.

I don’t need your negative words about my look, I know how I look and what I like or don’t like about it.

Growing up has been a lot of struggle, I still hear how my nose looks ugly or my skin is too dark on summer but now my own attitude is different. I don’t care, uniqueness is richness. I don’t fit in to the Finnish label, and that is more than fine.  I appreciate and highlight my differences, even my potato nose and horse teeth, I love to stand out and tell people that I am Finnish, I am just breaking the stereotypes. I am one of a kind!"

This is my article for my Zine I made at university. I wish I could always be as confident as the last words I wrote in the article but the reality is I am quite insecure person.

So please girls, boys focus on the good and beautiful things that people have, leave the negativity and bullying, no one wins with bad attitude.

xxx LolaMirjam

dancing on my own

Still healing process. But I keep dancing on my own.

No matter what I always keep going.

xxx LolaMirjam

underwater

xxx LolaMirjam

fucking idiot

I saw this "street art" today while walking home.

I have been sick for awhile, I lost my voice and got a little flu.

My mood is low in every way. For the first time I really feel lonely. 

Like I have said before, I don't have that many friends here, and mostly those "friends" are more like people I say hi to. I don't feel like they understand me or I understand them. We are just so different so many ways. Or I just have different opinion what is a friend. To me friend is someone who hugs you when you feel down, asks you how are you, accept you the way you are, laugh with you, is nice to you and someone who is real to you and don't pretend.

Right now I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about my feelings etc.

I know that I have known these people only for 9 months but I just don't feel connected with them. Maybe there is something wrong with me, maybe it is my age.

I just feel miserable.

One week more and this year is over, will see what happens after that. 

xxx LolaMirjam

Samui

Maybe next year again.

xxx LolaMirjam

Made Of Paper

I did a shoot at university. I also made these necklaces.

"Made of paper"

"Jewelry has the power to be this one little thing that can make you feel unique."

xxx LolaMirjam

How much you loved

"In the end, only three things matter:

how much you loved,

how gently you lived,

and

how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you."

My new tattoo, I took in Samui.

xxx LolaMirjam